| Love-bomb / Hook | You’re the only one who gets me; I can’t do this without you; You’re my person | What’s the one specific ask and your part? |
| Perpetual Crisis | It’s urgent!; Everything’s on fire; If you don’t answer now— | I have 10 minutes. Name one outcome by when, and your step. |
| Guilt-trip | After all I’ve done for you…; Guess I don’t matter; Must be nice | Happy to help when there’s a clear request—state it in one sentence, no guilt. |
| Boundary-push / Tone-police | Don’t be so sensitive; Relax; You’re overreacting | My boundary stands. If you have a concrete request, say it plainly. |
| Norm Enforcer (public ≠ okay) | You don’t have to post everything; Adults keep that private | Different norms are fine. Do you have a specific request? Otherwise mute/snooze works. |
| Confuser / Goalpost mover | That’s not what I said; You’re misunderstanding; What I meant was… (changes) | Pause. Give the exact ask + deadline in one sentence, or we stop here. |
| Scorekeeper | I always… you never…; I guess I’m the only one who… | Name one thing you want from me today and one thing you’ll handle. |
| Future-faker | I’ll change; Next week I’ll totally… | Great—what’s the first action by tomorrow? I’ll do X if you do Y. |
| Weaponized incompetence | You’re better at it; I’m bad at this—can you just…? | I’ll show once; then it’s yours to do and report back. |
| Triangulation | Everyone thinks…; Your friends say… | Let’s keep it between us. What’s your specific ask? |
| Martyr | No, it’s fine—I’ll suffer | Do you want listening or a plan? If a plan, state the outcome you want. |
| Ultimatum / Pressure | If you loved me, you’d…; Do this or else… | I won’t respond to pressure. If you have a specific request, state it without threats. |
| Silent treatment bait | …; I guess you don’t care since you didn’t chase me | I’m available for clear requests, not tests. Name the ask or we pause. |
| Backhanded compliment / Negging | You’re smart—for someone like you; Not bad, I expected worse | If there’s a request, say it. Otherwise, I’m stepping back. |
| Drama triangle flip (victim↔hero) | Fine, I’ll fix everything…; Look what you made me do | What’s the concrete ask and your role? |
| Faux curiosity (interrogation) | Just asking questions…; Why would you feel that? | If you have a request, state it plainly in one sentence. |
| Faux consensus | We all agree you’re being unreasonable | Speak for yourself. What’s your ask of me? |
| Gaslighting | That never happened; You’re imagining things | We see it differently. If you have a request, state it; otherwise ending here. |
| Minimizing | It’s not a big deal; You’re making a mountain out of a molehill | My boundary stands. Specific request or we’re done for now. |
| Over-personalizing | Why are you doing this to me? | This is about my boundary, not your worth. Do you have a clear request? |
| Emotional blackmail (non-violent) | If you cared, you’d…; Only you can help me | Care isn’t compliance. Give a specific ask and your part. |
| Control via constant check-ins | Where are you? Now? And now? | I respond during set times. What’s the one thing you need by when? |
| Scheduling disrespect | I need you right now; Call me. Now. | Not available now. Send one specific request by text; I’ll reply later. |
| Infinite “one more thing” | Just one more thing…; While I have you… | We’ll stick to the original ask. New items go to a list for later. |
| Financial guilt | After I paid for…; I did X for you, so… | If there’s a financial request, state amount and timeline. Otherwise, dropping this. |
| Moral/spiritual superiority | A better person would…; If you were truly kind… | Values differ. If you have a concrete request, name it without moral labels. |
| Pop-psych label weapon | You’re projecting; That’s your trauma talking | Not discussing diagnoses. One concrete request or we end here. |
| Weaponized vulnerability | I’m too broken to do it; I just can’t | I can help if you take the first step: what’s yours by when? |
| Competitive suffering | My day was worse; You think that’s bad? | If you want support, ask for one specific thing or let’s take a break. |
| Jealousy provoke | Must be nice having all that free time | If you need something from me, ask it plainly. |
| Info-dump overwhelm | (wall of text with no ask) | TL;DR? Put the single request and deadline in one sentence. |
| Vague dissatisfaction | Something’s off with you | Name one observable behaviour and one change you want. |
| Rumor seeding | People are talking… | We’ll skip hearsay. Do you have a direct request? |
| Privacy invasion | Tell me everything; Share your passwords | No. If there’s a specific need, ask it within my boundaries. |
| Public shaming | Wow, look at this take everyone | If you have feedback, DM one specific request. Public pile-ons aren’t accepted. |
| Conscription (we = you) | We should do X (meaning you) | If you want me to do something, ask it directly and give your part. |
| Deadline theft | I told them you’d help | Don’t volunteer me. State the request and my option to decline. |
| Non-apology | Sorry you feel that way; Mistakes were made | If you’re asking for repair, name the action you’ll take and the request of me. |
| Chores as favors | I babysat my own kids; I “helped” with the dishes | We’re adults. If you seek a change, state the task, frequency, and your part. |
| Response-time demand | If you don’t reply in 5 minutes… | I don’t do ultimata. Put the request in text; I’ll respond within business hours. |
| Whataboutism / Gotcha | But what about when you…; So you admit… | Different topic. Single request now, or we park it. |
| No → Interrogation | Why not? But why? Explain… | No is a complete sentence. If you have a new request, state it. |
| Seasonal “friend in need” | Hey! Long time—can you…? | If this is a request, put it in one sentence with your part. |
| Reciprocity discounting | It was nothing when I helped | If you have a new ask, state it. Favors aren’t currency here. |
| Exit penalty | Oh, leaving again? Figures | Yes, I’m stepping away. We can revisit when it’s specific and mutual. |
| Faux compromise (your full concession) | Let’s meet in the middle: you do it | Propose two options where both do a part, or we pass. |
| Escalation by channel | You didn’t answer text so I called 6 times | Use one channel. Put the single ask in text; I’ll respond later. |
| Affection withdrawal | I just don’t feel close when you say no | Affection isn’t payment. If you have a request, state it cleanly. |
| Boundary-masquerade ultimatum | My boundary is you must do X | A boundary is about your action, not controlling mine. What will you do? |
| Abusive humor | It’s a joke, lighten up | Humor doesn’t excuse harm. Specific request or we’re done. |
| Proof-on-demand | Show me proof right now | Not doing instant trials. If you have a request, email it; I’ll respond in time. |
| Bureaucratize your no | Answer these 20 questions about your boundary | My boundary stands. One-sentence request or I exit this thread. |
| Compassion hijack | Be kind—don’t leave me now | Kindness includes clarity. One specific ask and your step, or I’m out. |
| Health scare leverage | If you don’t help I might get sick/worse | If you’re unsafe, contact appropriate care. For me, state a clear, bounded ask. |
| Final-hour favor | It’s due in an hour—help! | I can’t take last-minute rescues. Next time, ask 24h ahead. |
| Unsolicited advice loop | You should…; Here’s what you need to do | Not looking for advice. If you have a request of me, state it. |
| Time entitlement | I need you 24/7; Answer whenever I message | I’m available during set hours. One request at a time. |
| Catastrophizing your no | If you say no everything will fall apart | No stands. If you have a specific, bounded request, try again. |
| Blameshifting | This is your fault I’m upset | Own your feelings. If you need something, request it specifically. |
| Micro-invalidation / Topic steal | Anyway—back to me | If you need support, ask one thing clearly. Otherwise, I’m wrapping here. |
| Gift-trap | I got you this… so can you… | Gifts don’t create debts. If you have a request, ask it cleanly. |
| “You changed” weaponized | You’re not who I met | People evolve. Specific request or we’re done. |
| History rewrite | You always wanted this; We never agreed to that | We remember differently. One current request, or end of thread. |
| Mind-reading demand | You should have known | I don’t do mind-reading. State the request and deadline. |
| Boundary testing (soft spots) | Let’s see if you’ll bend on this | No. My boundary stands. New request? |
| Reassurance loops | Do you still love me? Are you mad? Say it again | I won’t do loops. Ask one specific thing you need to feel secure, with a timebox. |
| Fake deadlines | It has to be today (it doesn’t) | If it’s truly urgent, state consequences; otherwise propose a real timeline. |
| Emotional roulette | Sweet → rage → silent → love-bomb | We’ll talk when it’s steady. One request by text, then we schedule. |
| Pity ploy | Nobody else helps me | If you want help, ask one concrete thing and your part. |
| Concern-troll insult | I’m just worried—you seem unstable | Skip the labels. If you have a request, state it plainly. |
| Overpromising to secure yes | I’ll do everything if you just start | Start with your first step; I’ll consider mine after. |
| Conditional affection | I’ll be close if you do X | Affection isn’t a contract term. Clear request or end here. |
| Demand for access | Share your location/passwords | No. That’s outside my boundary. Different request? |
| Schedule disrespect | I booked you for this already | You don’t book my time. Ask, don’t assume. |
| Pretend helpless (tech/errands) | I can’t figure it out, you do it | I can point to a guide once; then it’s yours. |
| Outsourced decisions then blame | You choose (later: your fault) | If I choose, you own the outcome. Or you choose now. |
| Secret fishing | Tell me what they said about me | No triangulation. Direct your request to them. |
| Double bind | If you say no you’re selfish; if you say yes you’re weak | False frame. I choose based on capacity. Specific ask or we end. |
| Procrastination dependency | I waited; now help me rush | I don’t reward last-minute. Ask earlier next time. |
| “Are you mad?” loop | Are you mad? Say you’re not. Again. | I won’t loop reassurance. One concrete need or we pause. |
| Choose-me ultimatum | It’s me or your friends/family/work | I don’t accept isolation demands. Different request? |
| “Just being honest” cruelty | I’m just telling the truth | Honesty needs care. If you have a request, state it without insults. |
| Data doubt on feelings | Prove you’re tired; Show me evidence | Feelings aren’t on trial. If you need something, ask it clearly. |
| Boundary cross via questions | But why that boundary? Explain it | Not explaining boundaries. One request or this ends. |
| Crisis escalation to control | I’ll hurt myself if… | I can’t handle this; contact crisis support now. I’m stepping back. |
| Legalistic nitpicking | Technically you said… (hair-splitting) | Spirit over letter. Current request only, please. |
| Semantic traps | Define “respect” right now… | Not a debate. One request or we’re done. |
| Sarcasm drip | Sure, whatever, Your Highness | Skipping sarcasm. Speak plainly with a request or ending here. |
| Mocking your interests | Your projects are silly | Not up for mockery. A specific ask, or I’m out. |
| Therapy-speak hijack | Hold space for my dysregulation 24/7 | I can for 10 minutes at X time. After that, other supports. |
| Forced quick decision | Answer now or deal’s off | Then it’s off. I don’t decide under duress. |
| Perpetual victim narrative | Everything happens to me | What’s your next step and a single request of me? |
| Fawn → Fury cycle | You’re perfect / You’re awful | We’ll talk when it’s steady. One request by text. |
| Boundary overwrite (mind-reading) | I know what you meant better than you do | I’ll speak for me. Do you have a concrete ask? |
| Isolation pressure | Your friends are bad for us | My relationships aren’t up for control. Different, specific request? |
| Reopening closed topics | But we never finished (months later) | Closed. New topic needs a new, specific request. |
| Milestone sabotage | On your big day: crisis appears | Not available today. Send one request for a later time. |
| Dogpiling with allies | CC: five people to pressure you | Group pressure isn’t accepted. One request, directly, or stop. |
